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Damn, I’m 1m70 tall and I weigh 80kg?!
In fact, I don’t have scales at home, so I don’t know how much I weigh. But I see that with age, I’ve gained weight. Especially around the middle!
This isn’t really surprising, given my pace of life. But still, it happened to me without me noticing. Just like that! One morning, Cheryl showed me an old picture of me and boom! I looked in the mirror and I was 10kg more than I was the night before!
I’m sure some of you, dear readers, are concerned, aren’t you?
Yet when I was young, as you can see in this picture, I wasn’t fat. I did a little sport and I ate pretty well.
I became a chef, and still I ate quite well. Vegetables, meat, cheese, bread. Anyway, just like everyone else!
I was drinking too. Actually, with my punk attitude, I was probably drinking a little more than “everyone”! But my body didn’t change, or very little. So I didn’t ask myself any questions and continued my lifestyle, which some people around me thought was a little decadent.
I got married for the first time and there, boom! 5kg gained immediately! I don’t know why. Well, actually, I think I know the reason. It’s because it was then that I chose to quit smoking and giving up smoking makes people fat. According to studies, the body of smokers burns more calories than non-smokers. In addition, there’s evidence that nicotine is an appetite suppressant. So when we stop smoking cigarettes, we eat more and, of course, we get fat! Are there any former smokers among you? And do you agree with this sad conclusion?
And for those who can’t stop, here’s a little song from Siouxsie and the Banshees.
Aware of this phenomenon and not wanting to inflate too much, I decided to go to the pool. One kilometre of swimming every Monday for a year.
However, that wasn’t enough. I fed myself a little too much, especially between meals. In addition, at that time, I had my own cafe, therefore I had unlimited access to food. And good food, since it was me doing the cooking! And then, surrounded by my friends, I drank alcohol with pleasure. But with excess! So, despite my sporting efforts, I got fatter!
Impossible to lose it
You know well, if you’re in my situation, how difficult, if not impossible, it is to lose this weight without making superhuman efforts.
Superhuman efforts, such as doing sports intensively, and on top of that, stop drinking and eating. Basically, stop living! And I can’t! I love life!
I got married for the second time and I went to live in Moscow. And there, again. Boom! 5kg more! For no apparent reason.
Or maybe because of my lifestyle change? Indeed, I gave up being a chef to become a teacher of French.
And my pace of life changed dramatically. I had less routine in my days. I worked at different times each day. Sometimes in the morning, in the afternoon, in the evening.
Therefore I ate at all different times, and sometimes I just ate anything and everything. And I kept drinking, even though I replaced beer and wine with vodka!
And here’s some extra information for you: you all know that beer makes you fat. It makes you pee a lot, too, yes, but here I’m talking about the fact that it makes you fat. And I, as a good French alcoholic, I said to myself innocently that instead of swallowing 3 litres of beer, and swelling visibly, it was better to down half a litre of vodka. Since it’s less volume, it makes you less fat! Sounds logical, right?
False! It’s not the volume that makes you fat but the sugar contained in alcohol! Therefore the result’s the same. At least, the visual result is the same, but the alcoholic result is significantly different. Do the experiment for yourself to check it, and after, vomit your story in the comments!
I recap: 5kg + 5kg = 10kg! And I didn’t see it happen?! It’s true, I don’t know how but I didn’t understand that I inflated. Yet, when my old pants began to feel a bit too tight, it should have been a sign, but no! I just bought bigger pants!
I’m sure if you gained weight, you did the same thing. Instead of saying to yourself, “Shit, I have to stop stuffing myself!” You just changed your wardrobe! It’s normal, it’s still a lot easier to do than go on a diet.
Good news at last! It seems that my weight has stabilized now. Well, I’m still slightly overweight, but apparently I’m not gaining weight anymore.
But now I’m paying more attention to my diet. And even though I keep working at different times every day, I try to eat at more regular times and consume more vegetables and less meat and cheese. I’m drinking a little less. And yes, I was forced to reduce my consumption of vodka.
And where’s Cheryl in all this?
Cheryl, she’s hardly gained a gram in 30 years! It’s incredible! And she didn’t say anything at first when I started getting porky. It must be said that when she knew me, I was already a bit chubby, but it’s the day she showed me that picture of me dating back a decade that I realized that I had really got fat. But it was too late!
Now I’m doomed unless I go on an extreme diet. Which is something I’ll never do, so I’ll grow old with this belly.
But not yet dead! And I will therefore continue my life trying to take maximum pleasure without going overboard!
And you? Are you like me, guilty of your excesses? Or like Cheryl, complicit in not saying anything? Or are you a victim, like Cheryl, condemned to live with a fatty like me, punished by a delicious but evil lifestyle?!
In between bites, leave us a testimonial in the comments.
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Note: Never Mind the Wrinkles doesn’t recommend drinking alcohol, smoking, or eating to excess. These activities are known to be bad for your health.