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Do you know how many concerts you’ve attended during your life?
Maybe thousands, like me? And so I could tell you all about my experiences and the concerts I’ve seen and how great they were…and so what?
If you’re an ‘elder’, you too have seen some great live shows. You’ve seen bands you’ll remember all your life, and others you don’t remember the name of, or their music. Maybe you even saw me?!
So rather than talking about concerts, I’m going to talk about NON-concerts.
Another question for you. How many NON-concerts have you attended?
What is a NON-concert?!
It’s a concert where you went, but for one reason or another, you didn’t see it. The concert took place, but without you!
And it’s very frustrating because you’d planned everything and you were ready for dancing and drinking, but an unexpected event turned everything upside down and stopped you. You see what I mean by a NON-concert?
I’ve attended several NON-concerts over the years, but most notable is without a doubt that of La Souris Déglinguée (a French group) in Beijing, China.
In May 2012, La Souris Déglinguée were touring China at the same time as our planned holiday there with our friend Laurent, who has been living in Beijing for years. And they were playing the day we arrived, at a big outdoor festival located on the outskirts of the city, in front of thousands of people. What could be better as a welcome gift?
After flying 8 hours non-stop from Moscow, we landed in Beijing early in the morning and took a taxi to find Laurent in the street in front of his house.
I don’t know what’s wrong with the taxi drivers in Beijing, but they don’t seem to know their city very well. Well, granted that Beijing’s big, but still, it’s their job! The driver couldn’t find the address we needed, so he asked a random guy standing on the footpath, who was waiting for his wife who was having her hair cut, to come with us in the car to tell him where to go! Can you imagine this situation in your country/city?!
After several turns and half-turns, we finally joined our friend and went to his place to drop off our luggage.
“And now?” Laurent asked us.
Yes and now, what do we do? It’s 10 am and the concert’s at 3 pm.
“You want to sleep?”
“Well, not really. We just spent 8 hours in a plane. Give us time to empty our suitcases and take a shower and we’ll see how we feel after!”
From us to Laurent, “Here, that’s for you … well for us! 2 litres of Russian vodka!”
“Great! Thank you! And now?” asks our friend again.
One eye on the clock in the kitchen indicates that it’s 11am, the other eye on the Russian vodka just put on the kitchen table tells us that the drink is already ready!
And it starts as easily as that.
You can see the NON-concert slowly, can’t you? You say to yourself, “Oh the idiots! They drank the 2 litres of vodka and they went to sleep like shits, without going to the concert!”
Wrong! At least, the second part of your thinking is wrong. We didn’t go to bed. And the first part is a bit wrong because we only drank one litre!
We look so proud in the picture. We don’t know yet that we are heading straight for a NON-concert!
The drinking continues, the hands of the clock turn, and the hour of the concert approaches. Caroline, a friend of ours also living in Beijing, and who doesn’t want to miss the concert, keeps repeating, “Oh guys, come on! Shit! We have to go!”
Finally, after completely emptying the second bottle, a total of one litre of vodka, we decided to leave for the concert.
It’s sometimes difficult to find a taxi on the street. Don’t you agree? Well, in Beijing it was! We waited at least 20 minutes for a free taxi to finally take us to the festival venue.
Come on, get in everyone! Finally we’re on our way to the concert outside the city.
Except that the euphoria of alcohol has given way to fatigue, and the slight jolts of the car were rocking us gently, and Laurent and I fell asleep like babies.
Somewhere not very far from the site of the festival, we wake up with pasty mouths. But the driver, no better than the one who took us from the airport, doesn’t know how to find the stadium where the festival is located!
As a result, we turn and go back a bit, and around a bit, not knowing exactly where to go. That’s when Caroline, Cheryl, Laurent and I realized that the NON-concert was becoming more real.
But finally we arrived! Time to pay the taxi!
Yes, despite his mediocre performance, we paid him! Then in the time it took to get the tickets, to pass security control of the bags, and to find out which stage the band was playing on, everything came to an end! Really the end! We just heard the last notes of the final song! Then “Thank you Beijing! Goodbye!” That’s all! There you go! The NON-concert was over! Shit! All that for this?! We’re such losers!
Happily ever after
But things didn’t end so badly. For once! Indeed, the band, and especially Taï-Luc (the singer), spent some time at the festival after their performance. They even had a table with merchandising. A table where we hung out for part of the evening, drinking beer and taking a few photos.
So yes, it was a NON-concert and we’re the only ones responsible for that. However, I’ll remember it for a long time. It hasn’t happened since – I’ve grown up! Or, rather, I’ve aged!
As for the remaining litre of Russian vodka left on the kitchen table, it didn’t last long!
Unforgettable holiday, a memorable NON-concert, joy and good mood at every moment and a non-stop hangover! This is a summary our stay in Beijing!
And you? Have you also experienced any NON-concerts? Go for it! Put it all in the comments…well, if you remember it!
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